Books that changed my life

Because Danalyn tagged me in some crazy meme, I thought this was interesting enough to do. I think it was supposed to be 10 books. Here’s an incomplete list of books that have changed my life in one point of my life or another. Who knows what other books would be on this list. I’m not finished reading all the books I’ll ever read yet.

  1. Tao of pooh – Benjamin Hoff
  2. Stranger in a Strange Land – Robert A. Heinlein
  3. Sword of Shannara – Terry Brooks
  4. Nine Princes in Amber – Roger Zelazny
  5. Les Miserables – Victor Hugo
  6. Faith of the Fallen – Terry Goodkind
  7. Lord of the Flies – William Golding
  8. The Book of Five Rings – Miyamoto Musashi
  9. Musashi – Eiji Yoshikawa
  10. Green Eggs and Ham – Dr. Seuss
  11. The Hobbit – J.R.R. Tolkien

So I went to the doctor today…

1314903_62676029So I went to the doctor today for a “routine” (I put that in quotes because nothing I do when it comes to health is ever routine) diabetes follow-up to see where I am and where I’m going. I also had other questions, because it is immunization time and I did get my routine flu shot.

Aside from my delinquency with my diabetes management (of which I really don’t have any to tell you the truth), I had some issues with pain in my shoulders. This issue had nothing to do with my diabetes thank goodness, and neither was it a vascular problem. I was told it was just inactivity. I was down with that. I just need to consult with Physical Therapy and do some PT with my shoulder. Problem solved in my mind. It’s not something that’s insurmountable. I just have to do this.

We talked about my neuropathic pain as well. Now this is definitely diabetes related. All of my neuropathy is. Some of you may know it also as Fibromyalgia. I know they’re not exactly the same diagnosis, but I think they are almost exactly the same. I told him that my pain seems to be getting worse, but I can’t imagine that it really is, because pain is pain and you always think it’s getting worse. I’ve got chronic back pain which is more mechanical than neurological too. That’s from an old injury.

So by now, I’ve covered most of my pains, including my shoulder pain, my back pain, and my neuropathic pain. There couldn’t be more could there? As a matter of a fact, no, there isn’t. But the neuropathic pain covers a lot. Here’s some of the things those with diabetic neuropathy suffer from:

  • Tingling sensations that are a pain because it feels like a thousand needles sticking into your body. Kinda like when your leg falls asleep then wakes up. Imagine that feeling CONSTANTLY.
  • Severe recurring pain to my feet, it feels like someone is stabbing my foot with a very dull knife and this is like a pulsating pain every minute or so.
  • Pain in my hands, it feels like someone is taking a hammer to them then healing them and then breaking them again.

Then there are the other neuropathic effects:

  • Sweating when I eat or for no reason at all.
  • Runny nose when I eat or for no reason at all.

There really is more, I just can’t think of them right now. If you have these symptoms too, let’s talk, I want to know how you overcome them or manage them at least. Also, know that you’re not alone in this fight.

I had also mentioned that my body felt like it was aging faster than my mind, and that I really felt like an 40-something inside of a 90-something body. He did mention that diabetes is also a disease of “old-age” so I’m probably not far from the truth. But that just begs the question: Do I have some kind of aging disease too? I think I’ve heard of this, but I’m pretty sure not managing things is one of the main problems.

In the end, he decided that I needed to do something about it but I just have too much going on right now, being unemployed and looking for a job (and not finding it). And other things. I did mention my problems with sleeping too and how tired I seemed to be. I am sleeping longer and feeling more tired because of it. I thought as you got older, you needed less sleep! At least that’s what my dad told me.

post_featuredSo he gave me some drugs to try out. Wellbutrin. Because all of the world’s problems are solved by antidepressants. Apparently it’s like an assist AD drug so it should work great along with the prozac. I understand I might have some anxiety when I first start using it. Great, that’s everything I want to avoid, right? So I can get on track to start taking my short acting insulin and doing my blood tests?

Anyways, you’ve heard me blabber enough about my silly problems. But honestly, if you’ve got diabetes and you have some of these same kind of symptoms, let’s talk. Maybe we can share some solutions that help out with pain management and diabetes care.

Fibromyalgia, Neuropathy, aren’t they the same thing?

I have diabetes. We know this for a fact. My sugar levels are out of control and honestly, I need to get it in control. What I really just need to do is exercise and I bet everything will be fine. Well, ok, maybe not. I did have a stroke in 2008, and I was on dialysis for a short time (thank God for that one). I’ve had the frequent flyer hospital card for a while. But reading about Fibromyalgia and the similarities to my Autonomic/Peripheral/Etc. Neuropathy, I am really starting to wonder what in the world is going on here?

I found this article, 6 Strange Signs of Fibromyalgia. I have everything except the Lipomas. No deposits that I can find (yet!). But I think this article is very important, because it’s exactly what I’m experiencing. Exactly!

Sweating - HOT!1. Excessive Sweating. Yes, I sweat all the time. Especially when I’m not supposed to. Like when I eat. It doesn’t have much to do with the spiciness of the food, although I do sweat more when it is spicy. Although I have to admit, for me, this is definitely the autonomic neuropathy causing this problem. At least that’s what my Doctor tells me. I believe him because he pretty much saved my life and is a damn good Doctor. But even now it feels like I have a fever. Checking my temp tells me I do, so it could be something else. It’s a low-grade fever, nothing to worry about. But seriously, I hate the sweating.

2. Allodynia. I’ve never heard of it referred to as this word, but it’s basically hypersensitivity to any touch. This is the big one. Now, I know what you’re thinking, it’s in our heads, and you know what, you’re right. There’s a problem with the neuropathic highways and we can’t process the data it gets like you do. Anyways, I have this, although it’s nowhere near as bad as it is in certain parts of my body like my feet, hands, or a spot on my upper chest where they stuck a giant IV in me. (central line for all you medical types)

Here’s the weird one though. I can’t stand wet clothes. There’s just something about clothes when they get wet, I must change into something that’s dry. It doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t feel good, and it just gives me the heebee jeebees. I hope I’m not the only one like this.

1327383_64930133I also feel the Parasthesia, “Fibro Fog”, and the Sensitivity to smells. Although on a smaller scale, I do get this problem. Sometimes I’ll smell something that Meesh can’t smell. A lot of times it turns out to be a false alarm, but a couple of times it helped. I smelled a gas leak and it was fixed before it could do anything. Go nose!

Do you have any of these “weird” symptoms? Is there something about you that you think is weird and no one else seems to share it? Let me know. Because seriously, the internet is huge and you can’t be the only person in the world having these problems right? What I’m saying is simple:

You are not alone.

Severed Souls Reviewed

Severed-SoulsAnyone who is a fan of Terry Goodkind should know about the Sword of Truth novels and the stories about Richard and Kahlan. You may even have seen the TV show, Legend of the Seeker (cancelled after 2 seasons – Thank goodness). This is the latest in the story about Richard and Kahlan, the story starting in The Omen Machine. This is book 14 of the entire Richard and Kahlan stories, and it’s a dark one. There will be spoilers after the bump, so if you’re not interested in getting spoilers, or in general, don’t read any further.

[Read more…]

Can we stop the sadness?

Walking the beachCan we stop the sadness? No, we cannot. We will always have tragic times in our lives and there will always be sad news. It seems depression is an everyday thing for all of us. Of course, there are many who are not depressed and sad every day. But there are probably more depressed people out there than you think. Even those who you may think is not depressed are depressed. They will seem to be in such great moods and light spirits that you will often think they could never be so sad and lonely.

You can have a million friends and still feel lonely. It’s true.

But we don’t have to feel that way. It’s tough to open up. It’s tough to explain how you are feeling. It’s not easy. But honestly, as bad as it sounds, all those lame sayings are true. You know the ones I mean. “Shit happens” or “It is what it is” and all those sayings.

I don’t like those sayings.

1313532_41205038I realize that there are so many folks out there trying to spread the word for the Suicide Prevention Hotline (1-800-273-8255 in the USA, Internationally, visit this site), which is good. But I’m just so sad that it takes the suicide of a well-known celebrity for this to spread to everyone sharing. I’m guilty of it myself, and I’ve even tried opening an anti-bullying and suicide prevention website myself. And I’ve failed, because it didn’t seem like I had enough motivation to keep it going and really I didn’t really have much help. But it’s tough to start something new. You need perseverance. You need to get through it all.

If we had as much motivation to do something as we did with say depression, I can’t even imagine the things we would accomplish. We could accomplish so much. Then there wouldn’t be as much sadness in the world, and we wouldn’t worry about people committing suicide.

I know that people die. But people should die after they’ve led a full life. No life should be terminated early because they took their own life. It’s not fair to everyone else. It’s almost as if those people who commit suicide are saying to the rest of us, “Sorry, I know you’re trying your best too, but I can’t do it anymore. You’re gonna have to do it without me.”

Not fair. At all.iStock_000011557862Small

I’ve known too many people who have passed from this earth. Some have been suicides. Unfortunately, I need more than one hand to count them all. After one, I just lose count. It’s just too sad.

Can we stop the sadness? Reach out to a friend, reach out to a stranger. Sometimes it’s easier if they don’t know who you are. Reach out. I promise, things really do get better but you have to reach out. If you don’t reach out your hand, I cannot grab it to save you.


O Captain! My Captain!

Carpe Diem - Sieze the DayO Captain! My Captain! … This is very sad. It’s another father figure passing that makes things not so good. R.I.P. Robin Williams. Carpe Diem, bitches!

By Walt Whitman

O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done,
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won,
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills,
For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding,
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
The arm beneath your head!
It is some dream that on the deck,
You’ve fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still,
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will,
The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done,
From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;
Exult O shores, and ring O bells!
But I with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.